What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 23.06.2025 09:09
Put me off passion for life!!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
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As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Kquorans, can you please write a story?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
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This is how, and why children get BPD.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
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I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Im still living with it.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She married twice! .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
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And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I could never make a relationship work though!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
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You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
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He was dying to do it , i knew.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I know ,a lot about trauma.
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Who then, do I blame.?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
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She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
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The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Which Shakespeare words have completely changed meaning in modern English?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She found it foreign!.
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Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
So whats the point in blame.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I waited trembling.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Would this be the day?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She loved him until the end.
I was very sick at this time too.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Comes on , in middle age.
I write beautiful poetry .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
All the time i was locked up.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I was scared of men, in general
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
My life is so biszare .
We all went to grammer schools
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
What did i know ?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Was to survive, this bastard.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She wouldn,t have been !
My family never makes their pension either.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He resisted the act ,that day.
He knew the spot.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But, we were locked up after school.
I couldn’t, believe it.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I have no regrets .
I never cut or harmed myself..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Especially a lifetime of it.
But it wasn’t much.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She was in good health!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I don,t even have a pension.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
When she asked me how she looked .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I said to her
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
As i do to all so called friends.?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I think the readers, may guess!
Ive learnt so much.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
One cannot live in the past .
It was going to be , some day.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I will be 64.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
We were not on the streets..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
So, i spoilt her more .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
This is soul school!.
I was seconnd youngest,
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I was 9 years of age.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But ive been too sick for many years..
And i lived it daily.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.